my internet is where i want you to touch

“What’s sexting?”

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:47:43 -0500

“What’s sexting?”

Nah, like, I don’t mean to be callous or anything but you...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:22:00 -0500

Nah, like, I don’t mean to be callous or anything but you know I’m in my twenties, I just moved out here and can’t be responsible for a girl’s feelings. I mean, she’s not a girl. She’s got a serious gig. She, um, she helps movie studios put together soundtracks. She’s an adult, you know? Like, I’m sure she’s fucking other people and so am I, and like if she asked me I would tell her the truth. I’m not trying to hurt any one here. Like, she can take it or leave it. I’m just trying to be passionate about the things I do and if some one wants to come along for the ride, then, like cool, you know? Right now? I’m writing a pilot right now, but what I really love to do is rap.

I felt like, I don’t know, it’s kind of difficult to...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:03:58 -0500

I felt like, I don’t know, it’s kind of difficult to describe, but, um. Being part of an online community meant that it wasn’t up to me to, like, pick and choose whose voice I needed to listen to? So like, if some one wrote something mean about me in the comments of my blog. I would leave it there, because who am I to moderate what people think about me? But, I don’t know, it all got so mean, and like, do I really give a shit about what some guy with a baby dick and shitty sideburns thinks about my romantic life? I wouldn’t walk up to a hobo and say, “hey, what do you think about this journal entry?” What do I care? So, yeah, that’s why I decided to switch it to private.

Well, I find it outrageous that teenagers are having anal sex...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:53:00 -0500

Well, I find it outrageous that teenagers are having anal sex like it’s ‘no big deal’ today. I don’t know who to blame either. Maybe it was us? My wife and I were pretty loose in 70’s about sex, granted. We even spent a week at a nudist commune. But it was a different time then. And the notion of ‘free love’ was embedded into our sexuality. What ideology is behind sophomores sexting and buttfucking, I ask you?

Honestly, we’re considering putting Kayla into private school. If you told Gloria and I thirty years ago, when we were living on canned tuna fish and regularly attending anarcho- syndicalists meetings that we were enrolling our daughter in a Catholic school I’d laugh my head off — I’d also compliment our dealer Auto on his excellent LSD! Ha! Well, like I said, it was a different time.

Oh, hello, I just wanted to pop in and say that I think the most...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:29:00 -0500

Oh, hello, I just wanted to pop in and say that I think the most ruinous part of the 90’s —besides multi-cam sitcoms— was the crippling wave of political correctness. The pendulum swung too far and now I can’t get an educated man to read my blog AND pull my pelt AND pay for dinner without some kind of post-gender identity crisis. Also, it’s been near impossible to pull off a good black joke among my co-workers. Accusations of being a racist or insensitive get tossed off far too easily so I find myself in fear of joshing around with people I spend 12 hours a day with.

And don’t even get me started on the date rape thing. I’m still looking forward to the day when I can get my ass palmed in the observation grotto without it being ‘an issue’.

OH, I’m just JKing of course (but I do really have a significant distrust of minorities).

Is this what it was like in the Way Before Time when Gilda...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:09:00 -0500

Is this what it was like in the Way Before Time when Gilda Radner and Gene Wilder were a thing?

I know, like, we all Die Alone per Donnie Darko, but I think boning/spooning Sweet Dee or Mac on the way out is a pretty fine way to go.

That dog probs has a fine sense of timing too.

You have ruined the conception of modern masculinity, Chill...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:22:19 -0500

You have ruined the conception of modern masculinity, Chill Office Bro.

(via bohemea)

Look, it’s difficult to say because I am a tamarin. I was...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:14:00 -0500

Look, it’s difficult to say because I am a tamarin. I was born in between generations: 1980. So facebook hit after I had graduated college, but I was there in time for myspace. But as a marmoset who has straddled the 90’s and 00’s, I do think certain aspects of each decade trump the others.

I would say that between the two, the 90’s had better hip hop, better movies. Terrible fashion sense throughout the entire decade. We had magazines. We also had AIDS. That mucked up a lot sexual relationships. The drugs were unparalleled, though some of their power was offset by Jnco raver pants. There were a couple years of good punk rock. But the grunge scene was a complete joke and something I feel personally embarrassed to have been a part of. People compare the hipster to the grunge kid. I argue that at least Hipsters are under less delusion that their aesthetic and music choices are somehow a ‘counter movement’ against ‘the system.’ Speaking of which, the 90’s did also have The Matrix.

I think it’s fair to say that 00’s has better literature, better sex because we dodged AIDS and it’s a given that we all have HPV. The 90’s had sarcasm and we had snark. Save for a few powder blue Ugg boots and Ed Hardy mesh hats, we’ve had a pretty solid decade in terms of Ready to Wear. We have the best television of any generation. It is truly a renaissance —though, I will concede that there is also an avalanche of dreck. We also had broadband Internet which is the revolution and destroyer of all cultural production hitherto.

I still have a Friendster account tho, so what do I know? lol

I get my make up tips from the Moscow women’s penal...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:20:51 -0500

I get my make up tips from the Moscow women’s penal colony.

lolerature: No, but 4 real. Jus sayin. Did yall know Mr. O...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:42:28 -0500

lolerature:

No, but 4 real. Jus sayin.

Did yall know Mr. O Hara was a big homo? I didn’t!

This is a Pied tamarin. Pied tamarins are indigneous to Brazil...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:16:00 -0500

This is a Pied tamarin. Pied tamarins are indigneous to Brazil and they eat flowers. Not pies.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to know your tamarins.

Berlin. Me and the wall. This was during the Olympics and there...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:54:00 -0500

Berlin. Me and the wall. This was during the Olympics and there was a lot of heat about the Germans drenching the city in the flags of the fatherland. This was the week Sarah Palin was nominated for the vice presidency, I finished Netherland, and went to a concentration camp 20 miles away from Berlin.

From the Being Single dazeee of 2003: The first real song to do...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:14:00 -0500

From the Being Single dazeee of 2003:

The first real song to do drugs to while getting ready for a friday night.

*SWAGGER SWAGGER KILL KILL KILL SWAGGER*

But that’s what’s FANTASTIC about all this. It’s mostly driven on the premise the Bella just wants to get fucked but she keeps picking all these monsters. E-HARMONY OF DOOM.”

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:27:10 -0500

But that’s what’s FANTASTIC about all this. It’s mostly driven on the premise the Bella just wants...

It is a very important weekend.

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:52:35 -0500

It is a very important weekend.

“OMG!! APPLES!! Go Edith!!!!!” — Golden Lion...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:43:00 -0500

“OMG!! APPLES!! Go Edith!!!!!” — Golden Lion Tamarin

This was my original design for Public School Intelligentsia 2...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:22:00 -0500

This was my original design for Public School Intelligentsia 2 years ago.

This is the new 10th anniversary edition of Fight Club.

You are your not blog, Ed Norton.

Ogilvy, you cad.

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:13:00 -0500

Ogilvy, you cad.

This is a Natasha Haired tamarin. There are many other tamarins...

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:50:00 -0500

This is a Natasha Haired tamarin. There are many other tamarins with a haircut like this. But this haircut belongs to Natasha.

"If we all pitch in, we'll have enough money to make our very own Nicolas Cage movie and save him from the trauma of having to sell his Bahamian island."

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:10:06 -0500

"If we all pitch in, we'll have enough money to make our very own Nicolas Cage movie and save him...